Nothing Gold Can Stay
by RedValkyrie
Summary: Lily declares her feelings for Severus on his birthday...unfortunately, the note she plans to give him to tell him so falls into the wrong hands. Friendships are tested and because of one simple misunderstanding, lives are at stake. Abandoned. Will Delete
1. A Birthday Letter

Snape sat against the tree, the small book in his hands. Most would be surprised to find that it was not a book of potions, arithmancy, or the dark arts on which his coal black eyes darted. He'd always appreciated the works of Robert Frost. Mostly, verse irritated him, filled with flowery images, saccharine spills of love, and dreamy simplistic ideals. Frost however, in his opinion, knew how to craft with words a world that reflected the truer state of his own. This was not to say that Frost didn't occasionally acquiesce the undesirable fluff in which other authors took delight, but it was far and few between, and thus, tolerable. After all, happiness did ghost into his life now and then he thought, even if it was only to reinforce the fact that it would always remain for him a temporary season. He flipped through the book, stopping at his favorites, Mending Wall, Storm Fear, A Question, and Nothing Gold Can Stay. His own notes and observations were scrawled in the margins. The man knew ruin. There were many he read time and again, allowing his mind to drift into the austere landscapes in black ink on pale pages.

He slipped his finger between the pages to mark his place and leaned his head against the tree, closing his tired eyes. It was January 9th. A day he found came all to quickly with the turn of the earth as the years marched on dancing their terrible dance. He felt his mind begin to sway to the heavy influence of sleep's call, having been up too late the previous night perusing his texts for various enchantments and potions upon which he could improve. Before he could heed slumber's spell, he pulled himself up and trudged back to the castle. Breakfast would end soon and he had to prepare for class.

Back in the great hall, Severus sat, examining his potions notes, ignoring the bowl of porridge in front of him.

"So I hear Happy Birthdays are in order, eh Snape?"

A scowl crossed his lips as he recognized the annoying voice. "Why the civility Potter? No insult, no hex, no 'Snivellus' or whatever else your bludger smacked brain can produce?" he said, his gaze of concentration upon his parchments unbroken.

"Oh come on Severus, I'd never put a bloke down on his birthday. I'm sure you've got quite a day planned; parties with your friends, opening the towers of gifts you've surely received, maybe mum and dad have sent you a package, nothing too good for their boy. Or…perhaps you'll be enjoying the company of some lovely, nubile bird later this evening…" he trailed off, flashing a rye smile while eyeing the Slytherin.

"Nicely done Potter, I never pegged your intelligence high enough to use more the more subtle aspects of degradation" he said without looking up from his writings.

Ignoring the insult, James cocked his head and said "Oh yes, all this talk of parties and gifts reminds me, I have a little something for you Snape."

This caused Severus to glance up at Potter, raising an eyebrow as he did so. His eyes slid to James's hand as he reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out a small envelope. He tossed it flippantly at Severus as he rose from his perch at the mostly empty Slytherin table. As the sound of Potter's footsteps faded, Severus opened it and began to read.

* * *

Lily Evans looked at the small box in her hands as she reclined on her bed. It was wrapped in black, velvet-like paper and tied with a green bow and silver charms. It looked positively elegant. She furrowed her brow and thought about him. She imagined his pale hands opening the gift, pulling off the bow in one fluid motion, the paper being gently removed as his slender finger slid along the seam where it joined…as if he was undressing it. She could see his lips curling into a rare smile, first one corner, then the other as he lifted the lid and saw his present. She knew it would be the only one he'd receive. Her mouth turned down into a slight frown as she thought about how he was treated. True, he could seem cold and unfeeling, angry and haughty, but she knew when he let his defenses slip, his heart was as soft and gentle as her own. He knew both hurt and happiness, but one ruled the other like an iron-fisted king. "Not today" she thought, "today will be a happy day for you Severus Snape." She slid herself to the edge of the bed and hopped to the floor. She knew where to find him. She tossed on her cloak, the Gryffindor crest flashing as it settled about her. She put the box inside her pocket and headed out to find her brooding friend.

* * *

Severus stared at the letter. The delicate looping letters of a woman's hand written in green ink were flowing across the page. He swallowed hard. There was a persistent lump in his throat that wouldn't seem to melt away.

_My dearest heart,_

_I've longed to say these words to you…but I haven't been able to build the courage. Silly I know, that's the mark of the Gryffindor, yet, such boldness escapes me when I'm in your presence. Barely a moment passes that I do not think of you; you know that don't you? Surely you've caught my stolen glances that speak of much more than friendship. Who would have ever thought that you're the path my heart would wander towards? I never thought I'd feel these things for you, but I do. I do. I hope to hear your heart feels the same as mine._

_With all my love,_

_Lily_

Snape wanted to feel anger, he wanted to feel hatred, something he could harness, something he could use to lash out at whatever unfortunate target found itself within his sights, but he couldn't muster them. A horrible aching sadness was the only thing he could feel. "Potter…_Potter_?" he mumbled, his eyebrows creasing, his chin quivering against his every command. Life was a cruelty to him. He was the half-blood product of a father who didn't love him and a mother so beaten down she was nothing but a shell. He wasn't the bronzed hero-friend that all envied and adored, no, those rolls fell to Potter and Black. He was alone, unloved, and unwanted. There were those that accepted his company for his intelligence, his sharp useful sarcasm, or his quick ways with a wand, but they didn't care for him beyond their own gain. His one true friend was Lily, the girl he loved from the first time he laid eyes on her. The first person to ever make his heart skip a beat from anything but fear had just broken it into so many irreparable shards.

* * *

"He's late," thought Lily, "he's never late! Not on his birthday." She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to lean against the towering tree. Its leaves were gone and a fine layer of snow covered the spiraling branches. She squinted her eyes and looked out towards the castle. She could see a tall dark haired shape heading in her direction. She took a deep breath and fussed with her hair and her robes. As the figure grew closer, her anticipation grew and her heart quickened, until she noticed that the hair was far too short, the body slightly too broad at the shoulders, and the glasses, Severus didn't wear glasses. "Potter…why…what are you doing here?" she called at him as he approached.

"I've come to see you Miss Evans," he said politely while bending at the waist in a slight bow.

"Come off it Potter" she said, hardly fooled by his genteel efforts. She crossed her arms, narrowed her eyes and said, "if you have something to say, can you please get on with it, I'm waiting for someone _importan_t," she made sure to emphasize the last word of her statement.

"Ah, playing the coy minx are we? Come now pet. I know how you long for me. You don't have to parade around with this charade anymore."

"Have you gone utterly daft Potter? Charade? No, believe me, I truly trust you are as thick as the morning porridge and have half the taste."

"Haha! Oh Lily, you can't fool me with your witty barbs. I know you, ah, how did you put 'haven't been able to build the courage' to tell me how you feel."

Lily froze, her mouth hanging open, her eyes staring at him with a wide and stupefied gaze. "You…you have my letter?" she said, stuttering with shock.

"Yes darling, I have it and of course I feel the same way. I'm glad you've finally come to your senses and see what a brilliant match we truly are."

"That letter's not for you!" she said, yelling at him, suddenly regaining control of her faculties. "How did you get it? Did you sneak through my bag you ruddy thief? How DARE you!?" She was grabbing the collar of his cloak, her hands twisting the fabric, her teeth bared, the vitriol spilling from her with every word.

"You dropped it at my feet in class silly bird." James sputtered, trying to maintain some semblance of charm. "NO, I didn't drop it _at your feet_, I just dropped it!" she spat back at him. She glared at him, her face inches from his when he suddenly wrapped his arms around her tipped her backwards and planted a forceful kiss on her unwilling mouth.

Severus froze in his tracks. It was one thing to have words on paper, it was quite another to be confronted with a tangible image. He saw Lily sweep up to James, her hands fastening tightly to his cloak, her hair fluttering in the icy breeze, her eyes half closed. He saw him take her in his arms and dip her backwards, those red waves cascading like water down her back as she tipped, then, his mouth covering hers, his arms wrapped around her body, embracing her, capturing her. Compared to this, the letter might as well have been a note from the Queen of England inviting him to Tea.

Lily pushed against James and they parted, her lips still wet from the assault of his kiss. "Bastard" she muttered. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flutter of black, like the wing of a raven taking flight. "Severus…" she said, as her heart lurched.

He stiffened while James stood there looking all together too proud. "Lily…I, I don't know why I even came. What I expected after…here, your boyfriend left this for me this morning, as a gift;" he said while thrusting the envelope at her. "So thank you. Thank you for my birthday present. Please trust that I'll never be able to forget it."

She stared at the letter, clasped between two of his fingers, he, not returning her gaze. "Severus…"

"Please Lily, please just take it." She obliged him, her mind reeling, her face blank, and her letter back in her hands, delivered from the only person who should have ever seen it in the first place. Severus turned and began to walk, his black cloak blowing in the wind, his hair waving, hiding his pallid face, wet with unwillingly shed tears and falling snow.


	2. Soul and Body Scars

"James, don't you think that was a bit harsh, even towards Snape? It was his birthday after all and you know he cares for Evans," chided Remus Lupin, one of James's closest friends and fellow Marauders.

"Mooney," James replied, using one of the nicknames his group considered so clever, "it's Snape. Severus 'Snivellus' Snape, it's not like it was anyone with feelings" said James while kicking back on the large leather couch in the Gryffindor common room. He was thumbing through his copy of _Quidditch Through The Ages _for what had to be the hundredth time."Besides, Evans is falling for me. I can tell. It'll be a lot easier for Snape if he goes ahead and accepts it now. Really, I was doing him a favor…not to mention her."

Do you ever even hear yourself Prongs?" asked Remus, returning nickname for nickname. "Honestly, he may be a bit of a git, but it's not as if we haven't given him just cause on occasion and it's obvious he has feelings, given his affections for Evans."

"Mooney, are you…are you actually defending that dark arts loving dungeon squatter?" said James. "I mean, I know you might identify with him somewhat, given you could never get a girl through honest means either, but really!"

"It's not…wait, what? Never get a girl through 'honest means' what in the name of bloody Merlin do you mean by that Potter?" Remus asked, he eyes narrowing and his jaw clenching.

"It's nothing personal mate," James said with a flippant wave of his hand, "but you know, with your…er…'problem' what girl in her right mind would want you? Eh, but that's why they invented brothels. Unsavory sorts can get theirs too."

"Unsavory sorts…un…savory…sorts…" said Lupin, his mouth gaping and eyebrows rising. "Listen here James Potter," Lupin said as he rose to face James on the couch, his index finger pointing squarely at the bespeckled face before him, "you think just because you can keep your arse from falling off a broomstick while you chase around some enchanted ball you're God's gift to women. Well, let me inform you of something you…you…bloody prick!" James's eyes shot up, he'd never heard Remus this mad before, let alone using anything close to profanity. "Not only are there PLENTY of women in this school that don't find you the least bit fanciable, there are some, Ms. Lily Evans among them, that find you UTTERLY REPREHENSABLE!" Remus shouted as he stalked out of the common room, crackling with anger.

Sirius Black, another Marauder, and friend to both James and Remus was reclining comfortably by the common room fire in a leather wingback with his feet kicked up on an ottoman. He sat, calmly peeling an apple with his knife, lips pursed and a thoughtful look upon his face. "Bit of bad form there mate," he said lowly as he slid his eyes over to James.

"I don't see what the big deal is!" James said; feeling rather exasperated over the direction the exchange had taken. "I mean, it's true isn't it? He threw _Quidditch Through The Ages_ to the ground with a sideways toss of his arm.

"I don't know," Sirius said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Who's to say? Some girls might fancy the danger or have a bit of a fetish. Not everyone's into picnics and sunshine Prongs."

"Oh and I suppose you've come to know this through your vast and personal conquests?" James replied while glowering at his friend.

The corner of Black's mouth turned up and he glanced at James. "Look mate, all I'm saying is don't count out Mooney's chances. He might have a fairly substantial obstacle to overcome, but he's quite the clever lad…I wouldn't put it past him to snag a right nice little bird."

James huffed, picked up his book, stuck his nose in it and didn't acknowledge another soul for the next 2 hours.

* * *

"How dare he? How DARE he!?" Remus said, fuming as he pounced upon his bed. "As if he has ANY idea what this is like for me. Mr. Quidditch, sitting up there on his golden broom, flocked by women at every dance…all of them simpering for his attention. BLOODY HELL!" He yelled. It was rare for Remus to lose his temper like this. Given his predicament, he usually chose to keep himself subdued. It was a measure of control that gave him some peace. At least there was something he could be in charge of regarding his own life. However, Remus Lupin was still human…_well, mostly,_ he thought with a frown. Remus turned on his side, looking at James's bed beside his own. His belongings were strewn about it, photos, sweets from Honeydukes, various quidditch supplies and a parchment. Suddenly, Remus sat up bolt straight. He had the first formations of an idea in his mind. He quickly slid off his bed and hustled over to his friend's. Looking around to make sure no one was watching he swiped the parchment and tucked it beneath his robe. He also took a bar of Honeydukes Best chocolate, but that was more for his personal enjoyment than anything else.

* * *

Lily stared out the window of her dormitory. The glass was frosted over with ice and she could feel the chill radiating from it. She pulled her robe around herself a little more tightly. It had been three days since the incident with Potter and Severus. She looked over at the dressing table she shared with her roommates. Her defense against the dark arts textbook was sitting on the edge. She walked over and picked it up. She turned to page 394, retrieved the envelope she'd hidden, slipped the letter out and read over it yet again. What on earth could make Severus believe she was writing these things about Potter? When had she ever looked at him with anything in her eyes speaking of more than friendship? When had she looked at him with…well, friendship at all? Most of the time it was with a bit of loathing, nearly matching Severus's ever present sneer. She'd tried to talk with him since, but he would always slip away. _If I didn't know better, I'd think was apparating! _She thought with a huff. _Why won't he just listen to me? …Fine,_ she thought._ I'm just going to have to do something drastic._

* * *

"Snape, are you still pining for that mudblood girl? Lila, Lena, whatever her name is?"

"It's Lily, and don't call her that word Mulciber."

"Why not? She is Snape; she's a freak, a misfortune of nature. People like her shouldn't exist. At least you're a half blood…can you please try conforming to the better angels of your nature instead of that dirty muggle blood you've got coursing through you?"

"I don't think I contain anything remotely angelic Mulciber, now, would you please excuse me? I'm rather busy with my potions homework."

"Fine Snape, do what you like, it's your life to ruin."

"Too late" Snape said under his breath as Mulciber walked out of the room they shared. He'd been staring at this page for the last hour. He wasn't sure he'd even read it, just…stared at it. He put the text away and walked to his bed, pulling out a smaller book, thumbing immediately to page 34.

_**A Question**_

_A voice said, Look me in the stars_

_And tell me truly, men of earth,_

_If all the soul-and-body scars_

_Were not too much to pay for birth._

"Far too much." He said quietly and shoved the book back under his pillow.

* * *

_**AN:** The poetry contained within this story is by Robert Frost unless otherwise stated._


	3. Sorting Through The Mischief

**Sorting Through The Mischief**

"Re-sort me."

"Miss Evans?" came the reply.

"Re-sort me sir, I'm tired of being in a house that believes that pranks and nonsense are more important than an actual education. Re-sort me."

"Miss Evans, I'm sorry you're finding your house-mate's boisterous activities to be disturbing, but the sorting hat placed you in Gryffindor for a reason."

"The bloody hat was wrong!"

"Hey now!" came a reply from the corner of the room, "just because you don't like my decision doesn't mean I was incorrect Miss Evans…Evans…Lily Evans? Ah yes! I remember you quite clearly now, you were quite the conundrum in the first place. You were clever, a nimble full of the desire to learn, a decent Ravenclaw you'd have made. You were also kind and gentle with those who would be considered your lesser…Hufflepuff would have been proud to have you. Yet, you were also ambitious to prove yourself, you desired for your skills to be unparalleled…Slytherin would have accepted these aspirations with gusto! However 'GRYFFINDOR!' is where I placed you…and for reasons evident even now. You are brave Miss Evans, you desire justice and by the waving of the wand or by the workings of the mind you are determined to have it! You'd have found your way through any house, but 'GRYFFINDOR!' beckoned you more strongly than any other."

Lily slumped in the chair in front of the headmaster's desk. "I just don't know what to do," she said rubbing her temples. "I just can't stand it…can't stand the way they are."

"Miss Evans…there is…more at work here than you can see just now. Roads are being paved that must be tread, though we may not like where they lead us."

"I…I don't understand sir," she said with an air of defeat in her voice.

"Miss Evans, dear girl, sometimes, the things we desire aren't meant for us and sometimes the things meant for us aren't what we desire."

"But Sir, what of our choices? Do we not forge our paths by our own choosing?"

Dumbledore smiled weakly at Lily. "Lemon drop Miss Evans?" he offered the tin to her as he partook in one of the muggle candies he so enjoyed.

"No sir…I, I have to be going," Lily said with an exhausted sigh as she gathered her belongings and walked crestfallen from the headmaster's office. As she walked past the guardian statue of Dumbledore's office, she stopped; her jaw clenched and her eyes became steely. "I will pave my OWN roads. I will tread my OWN paths. I will decide MY destination by MY own journey;" and with that, she walked from the dark corridors of the school into the sunlight of the gardens.

* * *

"Leave me alone Lupin," came the surly voice.

"Look, Snape, just stop walking away, honestly, will you please slow down?"

"Why? You can't keep up? Your nightly exercises have you too fatigued for a simple walk through the grounds?"

"No, well…maybe, but that's not the point. Listen to me; will you just listen? You're being ridiculous!?"

"NO! You listen, you listen hard to me Wolf. I want to be left alone; left alone by you, by that bloody dog Black, by simpering little Pettigrew, and by that utter waste of a life, Potter! Do you understand me?" Snape was seething, he had his finger pointed directly in Lupin's face, and he was shaking with rage. His eyes were tight, blacker than normal, tinged by his fury. Remus was attempting to be stoic, he stood as tall as he could and breathed in quickly and heavily, but his trembling lower lip betrayed him. His eyes began to fill with hot tears. He simply couldn't deny the onslaught of emotions.

"You think you're the only person in this school that has ever had anything bad happen to him? You seem to know EXACTLY the position I'm in; you berate me for it every chance you get! I'm sorry if I haven't exactly stood up for you to my friends, but they're my friends, they ONLY people I have to help me through this…and sometimes I can't even stand to be around them because of the way the treat me. If you knew half the things Ja…Potter has said to me, you'd understand! That, you stupid git, is why I'm here;" he said, sniffing back the traitorous tears. Severus' eyebrows rose involuntarily.

"Alright Lupin, what is it you want?" He sneered as he spoke. Snape couldn't say he liked Remus Lupin or trusted him, but he didn't exactly hate the boy. Honestly, if it weren't for the cretins he associated himself with; he could see the young werewolf and himself being, if not friends, at least cordial.

"I'm not even sure I should be doing this anymore," Lupin said weakly. "I just thought…I just thought, it was wrong…what he did." Lupin was about to retreat when he saw a flash of red hair across the lawn. Snape, had obviously seen it too. Lupin looked up at the boy across from him. Snape's breathing had changed and there was a look on his face of utter sorrow, loss stretched across his features like a billowing storm. "She doesn't love him."

"What?" came the distant reply. Though he'd heard the words, Snape's mind was consumed with an image, her soft lips pressed against _his _insipid face, _his_ fingers trailing through her hair, violating boundaries he'd previously been denied, the rush of their breath, her face, her surprise, her voice 'Severus!'

"Severus, eh Severus, SNAPE, I said she doesn't love him mate." Snape turned to Lupin, forcing himself to tear away from the terrible memory. His face was still wrenched with pain, Lupin balked at his visage before he continued. "That letter, that 'birthday surprise' James gave you, it was meant for you alright; but not from him. Lily wrote that to _you_. She dropped it in class and James, being the utter arse he can be, saw it as an opportunity and well, you know the rest."

Severus didn't speak, he blinked, he blinked a lot actually. His mind wasn't quite sure what to do with the thousands of thoughts running through it. _Those words had been meant for me?_ Elation! _Potter hurt me with something I've so longed for?_ Fury! _Lily…kissed Potter when she has feelings for me?_ Confusion!

"Snape, say something…and stop blinking like that, it's all together creepy man!" Snape opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it once more. "Nice fish imitation Severus," chuckled Lupin.

"So what you're telling me is…" Severus asked, stammering.

"Yes, that's what I'm telling you," replied Lupin.

Severus ran his hands through his inky hair. "I've been avoiding her for days. Seeing her…with _him_…" he attempted to swallow the lump that formed in his throat every time the memory surfaced. "What if I've ruined it?! Every time I'd stalk away from her, she'd look so defeated. I thought…I thought she deserved it!"

"Just go to her and explain. She's a reasonable girl. She'd have to be to have put up with Potter's advances and your surliness for so long. Either that or she went 'round the twist ages ago and we just think she's normal. Oh, and Snape, before you go…I actually do have a little present for you."

Severus narrowed his eyes as Lupin reached into his robes. His first reaction was to go for his wand, after all, the usual circumstance that followed a marauder reaching into his robes around him was a hex or two…or twelve, slung in his general direction. However, he stilled himself and saw Lupin withdraw a folded parchment from his pockets.

"Now Snape, if they find out I gave this to you, there'll be no end of it for me. My time spent as a werewolf would be welcome relief to the tortures they'd inflict."

"They'd be so upset over…a blank parchment?" Snape eyed the paper, trying to see what was so special about it.

"It's far from that mate, far from it!" He withdrew his wand, tapped the pages and stated, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" With his tap and incantation, the map began to bleed with ink. It spread out from the center filling with words and images…

_Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_are proud to present_

_THE MARAUDER'S MAP_

"Merlin's beard!" said Severus as he looked over the map, seeing each labeled spot, each name, moving about the corridors or grounds of the castle. "There's you and me, Dumbledore, the daft dog, the toe rag, Mulciber…Lily; and to think your fellows accuse me of the dark arts! This is utterly devious…Slytherin even!"

"I'm glad you approve," said Remus as he grinned at a thoroughly shocked Severus Snape. "Mischief managed," he quickly said with another tap to the map. Snape watched astonished as it returned to its former undistinguished appearance. "This is how they always seem to know where you are. It's how we manage to avoid getting caught all the time. This, this, is the Marauder's greatest asset, the most prized possession of the club…Happy Birthday Severus Snape," said Lupin as he place the map squarely in the hands of the quartet's worst enemy.

* * *

_**AN:**__ I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. It's taken me a while to get it written with the holidays. I'm still deciding exactly where to take this and am open to suggestions. I also hope you'll check out my Harry Potter Star Wars crossover titled "That's No Moon Severus Snape" it's incredibly ridiculous._

_As always, reviews, critiques, and suggestions are more than welcome._


	4. Forbidden For A Reason

**Forbidden For A Reason**

Lily continued her walk in the frigid winter air. She wrapped her cloak around herself to attempt to shut out the stinging chill. She was skirting the edge of the Forbidden Forest thinking about the many times she and Severus had walked here together. Her mind drifted back to one of the conversations they had shared.

"A lot of rare potion ingredients grow in the Forbidden Forest Lils. Many of them can be found nowhere else. It's an amazingly diverse arena; as a matter of fact, it's the only place you can harvest Twinflower. It used to be quite prolific throughout Scotland, but now, the small patches here, that's it…"

"Severus, you never cease to amaze me. You know more about potions and ingredients than most masters! No wonder Slughorn likes you so much…you're probably giving _him_ lessons on the side!" Severus had laughed at this. She loved it when he laughed…it was a fairly rare treat, even for her.

_ Oh Severus_, she thought, _Why couldn't you just listen to me? Why do you always have to be so stubborn?_

Lily felt a sense of hopelessness wash over her and tears began to spill from her eyes. "It's all been ruined…it would have been wonderful, perfect if not for Potter…" Lily stopped walking, she heard a twig snap and what sounded like delicate, mincing footfalls behind her. She turned, searching the dark alcoves around her, but saw nothing that signaled danger. Suddenly, her wits gathered and she realized she was no longer following the perimeter of the Forest, but was deep within it. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked around, trying to recognize some marker that could lead her out of the towering trees. She heard another snap, another crunch of dead leaves, still, she saw nothing but forest litter and a few stones here and there. The overwhelming sadness returned, even stronger than before. She was sure she'd never felt such gripping despair. "Severus, oh, Severus!" she said, the words choking out of her, water spilling from her eyes once again. She dropped to her knees and began to weep violent, bitter tears. Through her tormented wails, she didn't hear the rush of treacherous little feet and the gnashing of dangerously hungry fangs.

* * *

"Lupin…I…why?"

"I told you mate; I just thought what he did was wrong. James…James _is_ my friend, but sometimes, you know, I think a little humility would do him a world of good. It's as much for his sake as for yours."

Severus eyed the boy. He could see the terrible exhaustion written all over his face. His condition really did make even the most ordinary activities difficult. Someday, he would try to return the favor that Lupin now did for him. "Well, Lupin, consider me surprised that one of the Marauders might have a bit of decency in him," said Snape, regaining his usual cool demeanor.

Lupin smirked and let out a small laugh. "You're welcome Snape. Now go do something about Lily, she's been as out of sorts as you."

As Remus trudged back towards the castle Snape turned to see if Lily was still where he'd seen her before Lupin's surprise. However, she wasn't anywhere in sight. He walked a little further down the sloping hills and surveyed the landscape. "Nowhere…" he mumbled. "Well, alright then, let's put this enchanted toy to the test." Snape pulled out the parchment and his wand "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he stated as he gave the paper a thorough tap. Again he marveled as the words and pictures began to leech out onto the page. Upon closer inspection of the map, he noticed not only did it show the names and locations of the inhabitants of Hogwarts, but also their activity. He couldn't help but smirk in enjoyment. For all their infernal qualities, it appeared even the ruddy Marauders were good for something. "Now where are you Lily?" He saw a plethora of small dots jostling about the page in their various locations; Albus Dumbledore was located in his office eating lemon drops. James Potter was at the pitch practicing Quidditch. Sirius Black was in the Gryffindor common room hitting on Alice Prewett and Frank Longbottom was in the same location threatening Sirius Black; but still, no Lily. Suddenly, a dot appeared on the far corner of the map, at the boundary of the Forbidden forest…it was marked _Lily Evans, dying. _Severus sucked in a gasp. _Dying? What in the bloody hell? What was she doing in the Forest alone? Why is she_..._dying_? Severus thought; completely unaware that he had already begun to run as fast as his legs could carry him to Lily's location.

* * *

James Potter weaved lazily on his broom. The wind licked at his face, his chapped cheeks were alternating between numbness and stinging. He was idly looking for the snitch, deciding to take a break from his chaser routines. He thought a bit of play would take his mind off the inane argument he'd had with Remus, but it didn't really help that much. "I still don't see the problem," he said, as if he'd been wounded. "I mean, after all, he knows being a werewolf isn't exactly a desirable quality, and besides; we learned to become animagus for his sake!" Still, Black's counter to their quarrel stuck in his brain. "I figure he's partly right…I mean, some misguided girl might still fancy him…one of those girls who's all caught up with danger and mystery. All I know is the whole misunderstanding is Snivellus' fault!" Just then, a glint of gold caught his eye and the thoughts of the row disappeared in the quick buzzing of metallic wings.

* * *

Lupin was reclining on his bed finishing off the last of a very satisfying bar of Honeydukes Best Chocolate when James walked through the door and plopped down on the pile littering his bed. He pulled a small bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean out from under himself and began chomping on them absentmindedly. After a minute or two of deafening silence James screwed up his face and spit one of the beans into his hand.

"UGH! I…I think that one was flobberworm flavoured!" Lupin chuckled and James glared at him; but then, his expression softened. "Remus," he said, his face flushing a bit. "I'm…I shouldn't have said…what I said. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. I mean, I realize how hard it can be, you know? I mean, it's not easy being the popular guy either, let me tell you! Sometimes you just want a moment of peace, but you've got a whole gaggle of screaming, fawning girls after you," said James, while unwrapping one of his Honeydukes bars. "So, I know what it's like to have struggles too mate, sorry I was a bit harsh on you," he said, as he took an oversized bite from the sweet.

Remus just shook his head and let out a low guffaw as he thought to himself;_ his arrogance is truly a thing of wonder._ "Of course James, no harm, no foul," he said while offering a weak grin at the other boy.

"All right then!" James said triumphantly, turning his eyes from Lupin back to his pile of belongings. " 'Eh Mooney, you seen the map around?"

* * *

_**AN:** I think I've got some fairly big plans for this fiction now and I'm quite surprised at the direction I think I'm going to let it take. I may end up changing the category of angst to something else more suiting, however, romance shall stay and angst will surely be involved! I'm really enjoying writing this, I hope you're enjoying reading it...if you'd like to let me know if you are or aren't, that review button is surely helpful! ;)_


	5. Lunch

**Lunch**

Severus ran, his lungs were tight, his breath was coming in exacting pants. _By the gods why can't we apperate on these bloody grounds?!_ he thought as his eyes scanned the terrain. He was reaching the outskirts of the forest now. He looked down at the map and saw he should be close, only fifty or so meters away from her. He could see a dark shape on the ground in the distance with many smaller shapes bouncing around it, swooping and bending...tearing at it. A sudden breeze kicked up and he saw a flash of red hair peeking out from the dark figure on the ground. Severus, despite the acidic ache in his limbs, ran all the faster.

* * *

"What's that James?" Remus asked casually as picked up the copy of_ The Daily Prophet_ lying at the foot of his bed.

"The map Rem, I can't find it. Last I saw it, it was right here on the bed." James was rifling through the collection of items in which he was currently mired. Quidditch books, Honeydukes candy, Zonko's products, and various school supplies were all being thrown about in a rather frantic manner. "I know it was here! I know it…" he said to no one in particular.

"James, if you didn't keep your things such a right state, you wouldn't be losing important items all the time." Remus smiled a bit at his own deception, but he also felt a twinge of guilt at tricking his friend…still, this was all for James' good. "Perhaps Padfoot or Wormtail borrowed it…more likely Padfoot. Wormtail's not much for solitary adventures," he added coolly.

"Padfoot, right. He'd mentioned something to me about finding Prewett without having Longbottom in the way. Honestly though, I don't recall ever seeing them apart. He's got a right good battle if he's after that one."

"Sirius likes a girl that presents a challenge mate. Of course…Sirius likes an easy…oh, never mind, never mind. I don't care to think about the sordid escapades of Padfoot's various romances." Remus flipped through his copy of the _Prophet _scanning the headlines for anything interesting, but apparently, it was a slow day for news.

"All right then, why don't we head on down to the great hall? Lunch should be up soon and I'm famished," said James while rubbing his hands together in anticipation." Remus agreed and tossed his paper back on the bed as both boys headed off to join their classmates.

* * *

Severus pulled his wand out of his cloak. He closed the distance between himself and the body in the grass. "STUPIFY!" he yelled, his voice frenzied. A powerful stream of magic burst forth from his wand and caught one of the ghastly creatures squarely in the face. It shrieked and fled.

The other creatures turned, their horrible mouths stained with blood…Lily's blood. They hissed and snarled at Severus, unhappy that he'd interrupted their gruesome repast. They abandoned her, charging at him with their terrible little faces full of anger and hate. He brought his wand up again, shouting spells and kicking at the creatures when one would work past his magical defenses. He managed to fight them off and they retreated back into the forest. One of the things turned and glowered at him, a harsh, sharp bark escaping its maw before it disappeared. A faint, expiring moan suddenly drew his attention back to Lily.

"Gods no, no, no…_NO_!" His mind raced with terrible thoughts. His hands reached for her, finding them instantly stained with her vibrant red blood as he pulled her from the ground into his arms. He saw she was covered in wounds from the piercing sickle-like teeth of the diminutive monsters. Her blood flowed freely and her head lulled about in his arms as if she was no more than a rag doll.

"Lily, no, oh Merlin, oh gods, Lily, wake up!" he stammered, hot tears falling from his face, his arms shaking. He scooped her up and began to run again, his body filled with the adrenalin spike that only fear and terror can bring.

_What were those…things…what were they?_He raced along, hugging Lily to his chest. He flipped through the _Care of Magical Creatures_ textbook in his mind; suddenly he remembered. _Pogrebin! I thought they were solitary. They're not even native! What's a veritable herd of them doing here on the grounds?_ he thought. "Hagrid," _it must have been him. You'd think the head gamekeeper would keep a closer watch on what his assistant's been importing!_

_Merlin!_ _Are they poisonous? Damn that Potter, I missed that class due to some hex he'd managed to land on me. I will kill him. I swear to the gods, I'll kill him._ Severus realized he was still clutching his wand; he managed to angle it at Lily and breathed out a shaky "Episkey!" her wounds continued to seep, the spell had no effect.

* * *

After what seemed like hours, Severus reached the castle; he hurried through the corridors, which were virtually empty due to the fact that most of the students and staff were attending lunch. He made his way to the hospital wing and burst through the door screaming. "MADAM POMPFREY! MADAM POMFREY! ANYONE, SOMEONE, **HELP!**"

"What is all this nonsen…good Lord, what's happened? Mr. Snape, lay her on the bed there." Madam Pomfrey hurried over to Lily, she took in her wounds, her hands flurried about to and fro, examining the girl. Her blood was still flowing freely, her face ashen. "Mr. Snape, what's happened, I need to know."

"Pogrebin…a flock…of them…down by the forest. They were…all over her…by the time…I got there…they were…" he gulped, "feeding on her." His face twisted in agony, his breath stuttered along in ragged gasps, and more of the searing tears slid down his colorless face.

"Merlin..." she said as her wand swept over Lily's body. "She's lost a great deal of blood, their saliva has an anticoagulant, keeps the blood flowing while they eat."

"Are…they…poisonous?" Snape's body was beginning to deal with the shock, horror, and exertion it had just been through. He felt lightheaded and weak. He slumped in the chair beside the bed, feeling as if he might vomit.

"Hygellia!" said Pomfrey, yelling for her assistant. she appeared almost instantly. "Hygellia dear, quickly now, bring me a calming draught, two drafts of blood-replenishment potion and jar of Murtlap essence." Hygellia scurried off to the wing's medicinal stores.

"Madam Pomfrey," Snape managed, his head spinning, awash with blurry images, the jittery fingers of a blackout were pinching at his eyes. "Are they...poisonous? Will she...will she be all right? She's not…she's not going to die is she?"

"Quiet now Mr. Snape, don't speak and breathe boy, breathe. No, they're not poisonous…not really, but along with the anti-coagulative effects of their saliva, they are also able to induce a drowsy state. Granted, with one, it's not such an issue, but given the number of bites Miss Evans has received…the amount of blood she's lost…I will do my best for her Mr. Snape…Severus. I will do my best." She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave him a slight squeeze.

Hygellia swiftly shuffled back to the bed, a silver tray in her hands, various potions, salves, and compresses lay upon it. Madam Pomfrey set to work, administering the potions, rubbing the Murtlap essence over the wounds, and winding long strips of gauze around the punctures. She turned to Severus, handing him the calming draught. "Drink it son, it will help."

Severus un-stoppered the bottle and set it to his lips, he took in the draught but never let his eyes leave Lily. As the potion flowed through him, the inky blackness threatening his consciousness subsided and his restless muscles stilled. "What do we do now?" he asked.

"We wait, dear. It's all we can do…we wait."

* * *

_**AN:** I've gone back through and restructured all the pages so that they're dialog based. I think it'll help break up those long chunks. Thanks to **Schurmann** for the suggestion. I hope you've liked this chapter!_


	6. Sleeping Beauty

**Sleeping Beauty**

The healers from St. Mungo's had come to review Lily's case but all involved agreed that what could be done had been done and due to her delicate state; it would be best not to move the girl. Her recovery was indeed tenuous; there had been a few moments when Lily seemed to teeter on the brink of life and death. Her breathing would slow and then stop and Severus would feel his entire body go numb. Each time though, after quick attention from the staff and tearful shouts of fear mingled with rage from Severus, Lily's body would violently jerk and she'd gasp for breath. She would then settle back into her pillow and breathe with the low, shallow rhythm that Severus was suddenly so grateful to hear.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans had of course been informed and brought to the castle to visit their daughter immediately. Once they'd been told what happened they were both quite convinced that Lily should withdraw from Hogwarts and return to the Muggle world for treatment, afraid for her to stay a moment longer in a world filled with dangers they didn't understand. A few calming draughts later and after much persuasion from Dumbledore and Severus, they agreed to allow her to stay under the conditions they be connected to the floo network and retrieved the minute there was any change.

It had now been five days since the attack. Severus continued to keep watch over Lily whenever he was free from classes. Madam Pomfrey felt the constant vigil was touching, but mainly allowed it due to the fact that thanks to a rogue outbreak of dragon pox, she could use the extra eyes and Severus was unobtrusive.

* * *

Severus closed his book and set it on the nightstand by Lily's bed as the familiar sound of Potter's voice rose in the corridor. He'd been reading to Lily but it was apparently time for another daily interruption of the bloody Gryffindor idiot.

"So how come Sniv...eh, Snape can see Lily but we're not allowed? We're just as worried as he is and for all we know, he's the one that did this to her!"

"Mister Potter, that is quite enough! If you care so much for Miss Evans, you might want to thank Severus Snape instead of accusing him. If not for his quick actions, it'd be a wake to which you'd be bringing those flowers."

"I'd rather choke on a snitch than thank that...that...Snivellus!"

"Well then, I suggest you head down to the pitch Mr. Potter! While we're at it, that'll be ten points from Gryffindor!" Madam Pomfrey yelled, her patience at an end. It was rare she truly lost her temper with a student but James Potter had pushed her to the edge. Every day, after every class, the story was the same. He and his group would show up and ask to be let into the infirmary to see Lily. She would inform them that the girl had yet to awake and would not be receiving visitors. The first few times the boys had quietly thanked her and left without argument but lately, they'd…well, _Potter_ had grown rude and belligerent...and she was not about to pretend she was a woman who would be treated so indignantly.

"Fine…_ma'am_. Please give these to her," said James through angry, clenched teeth as he roughly shoved a bouquet of flowers at Madam Pomfrey.

"Of course Mister Potter. Now, I will alert you when the girl awakens, until then, unless you are injured..._gravely_ injured, I think it would be best if you refrained from visiting the infirmary."

James narrowed his eyes at the medi-witch and turned away without speaking again, Sirius, Peter, and Remus followed him in awkward silence. Remus though, turned and cast a sorrowful glance at Pomfrey. She gave an exasperated sigh and headed back into the hospital ward.

* * *

Severus heard her quick agitated steps as he sat in his now all too familiar chair. Madam Pomfrey rounded the corner and he could see that her face was still flushed from her argument with the Marauders. It tickled him to no end that Potter was left in the hallways with his shorts in a twist. If such a black cloud could have a silver lining, that was surely it.

"Mister Snape, could you please put these in some water for Miss Evans? James Potter has dropped them off and I assured him I would deliver them." She made no attempt to hide the rolling of her eyes when she mentioned James.

"Of course Madam Pomfrey, I'll...take care of them." She quickly handed him the flowers and left to attend to a young Ravenclaw that couldn't seem to stop scratching at the itchy pox covering her skin. Severus stared at the flowers in his hand, a bouquet of delicate, white lilies. _How...predictable_, he thought with unmitigated distain. He stuck the flowers in one of the empty potion bottles on the bedside table and returned to his chair. He took out his wand and began slowly twirling it between his fingers. He casually brought the wand to rest towards the flowers and mumbled something low and unintelligible. A quick shot of magic leapt from the wand and the flowers burst into a fragrant cloud of tiny, fragmented petals. His eyebrows slowly lifted towards his forehead, "oops..." he said, as a sly, satisfied smile spread across his lips.

A few of the miniscule pieces landed on Lily's face. Severus leaned over and with a gentle breath, blew them away from her. As he retreated, he looked at her face, it was pale and beautiful, her lips and cheeks held less color than usual, but still, against her exsanguinated flesh, they reminded him of strawberries set in fresh cream. He remembered from his childhood the muggle fairytales of the various princesses, poisoned or enchanted, set into a deathly slumber until their handsome prince came to claim them from their curse.

His mind rolled over the word "handsome." He had no illusions; he wasn't what most girls would consider attractive, not with his skin's pallor, his dark, lank hair, his hooked nose, or black eyes, but he was a Prince...if only by half a measure. "Lily forgive me..." he whispered as he bowed his head to hers, his hair forming a dark curtain around their faces. He pressed his lips to her mouth with the trepidation one might use when taking a bird in the hand, afraid it might be crushed if grasped too hard. He lingered on her lips, tasting the slight bitterness of the potions she'd been forced to swallow, yet savoring in the softness of her flesh.

He withdrew from her, his eyes wide with both an aching hope and a bruising shame. It was not how he'd imagined his first kiss...stolen from the lips of the girl he loved while she lay in the shadows between worlds. He closed his eyes and sat back in his chair, allowing his head to fall backwards. He brought his hands up to his face and roughly rubbed his eyes. She hadn't moved, she hadn't done anything… and he felt like such a fool. "Oh yes Severus, fancy yourself a prince do you? You useless idiot...Merlin!" he said, his voice a mixture of exasperation, exhaustion, and disgust.

* * *

"If we had the bloody map we could get in to see her when Pomfrey's not around the ward. It's just not fair. It's not fair that that...slimy, greasy, snake gets to stay with her. He probably hexed her in the first place to make himself look like a hero...gods I hate him."

"Who's this really about James?" asked Remus. "I mean, every time you talk about Lily you end up going on about Snape...you sound more like a snake than he does, the way you're spitting venom."

"Prongs, listen, I don't like the git anymore than you do...and heaven forbid I say anything nice about him, but I really doubt he had anything to do with this other than the rescue. She seems to be the one person he actually gives a damn about."

"Rem, I've come to expect it from you, but et tu Sirius?"

"Don't be so dramatic mate," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"I figure the map's the only way he found her in ti..." Remus shut his mouth. A look of dread spread across his face as three pairs of eyes slowly turned towards his. One pair, grey and handsome was full of astonishment, another pair, beady and small, shown with discomfort and fear, and the last pair, a genial hazel, lodged behind thin, round spectacles sparkled with rage...

* * *

Severus brought his head back down and let his hands fall to his lap. With a heavy sigh, he brought his gaze back to Lily and was greeted with the weak stare of a pair of sleepy emerald eyes confronting his own...

* * *

_**AN:** Sorry it's taken so long to update. My laptop was apparently kissed by a dementor and I lost everything relating to this story and half of another...which I'm also rewriting and will post in complete in a few days. I hope you like what I've put up...I'd love to get a review from you! Thanks for reading!_


	7. Dreams and Traitors

**Dreams and Traitors**

"Sweet Merlin! Lily! Lily, you're awake!" Severus stood up in a rush, knocking over his chair and nearly tripping over his own feet. He grabbed at the bedside table to steady himself and sent the potion bottles upon it spilling to the floor in a cacophony of shattered glass and splashing liquid.

Lily's eyes burned as she watched the spectacle of the dark figure. She'd had them shut so long that lines and shapes had no distinction; all was a blur. The light in the room hurt and the quick actions were confusing and frightening. Her brain felt like it had been wrapped in a thick wool blanket. Everything in it was fuzzy and dark; her thoughts were scattered shreds, far from the quick, cogent mind she usually possessed. She let out a small gasp of panic and he froze.

Before he could speak again, Madam Pomfrey was rushing to her bed. "What's all this fuss about Mister Snape, what's the trouble then? Oh! Miss Evans!

At the sound of her name, Lily turned to face the other shape's voice and reached out her hand.

"wha…?"

"Miss Evans, lie still. You've been through a very traumatic event. You're lucky to be alive." Madam Pomfrey ran her wand over Lily's body, checking to see what the diagnostic spell would reveal. As she worked, she threw question after question at Severus' addled mind.

"How long ago?"

"Just now…"

"Did she speak?"

"No, uh, she just looked at me…"

"What had you been doing right before she awoke?"

Severus hesitated. He felt his face redden at the thought of the kiss. He didn't want to tell her. That moment was his…even if it was stolen and undeserved...and Lily, she would hear him. She would know. He balled his hands and felt himself begin to shake, partly with fear of what Lily would say, partly with anger at having been forced into confession.

"Mister Snape, I asked you what had you been doing?" Madam Pomfrey said again, not taking her eyes from the startled girl, but obviously expecting an answer now.

He hung his head and let his hair fall in front of his face, like a shield. "I kissed her," he said, his voice low and full of trepidation.

"Pardon? Speak up Mister Snape, stop mumbling!" She turned to face him, exasperation written along the lines of her forehead.

He looked up slightly and his hair parted from his face. From under a furrowed brow, he met her eyes. "I. Kissed. Her." He said, as steadily as his voice would allow.

Madam Pomfrey looked slightly taken aback. She raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that seemed to mingle suspicion with embarrassment.

Severus' eyes darted quickly back to Lily. She wasn't looking at him as she lay there, on her side, under the thick infirmary blankets. She had the tips of her fingers to her mouth and her knees pulled up to her chest. He felt his heart dip. She still looked so weak; all he wanted to do was hold her.

"That is…rather inappropriate Mr. Snape…however, I believe, given the circumstances, we can ignore it this once;" Pomfrey said, giving him a gentle look of warning.

"Hello Severus…" came the kind, old voice from behind him.

Severus jumped; he hadn't heard anyone approach. He was usually keenly attuned to the quiet advances of others, given the unkind amount of training he'd received thanks to Potter and his gang.

"Lemon drop?"

"No sir…thank you."

"I see Miss Evans has awakened, very good."

"Yes Headmaster."

Turning from the boy, Dumbledore addressed the medi-witch. "Poppy, has anyone contacted the girl's parents?"

"Albus, hello. According to Mr. Snape she only roused moments ago, no word has been sent."

"Ah, I see; I shall alert them. I'm sure you have everything under control without my meddling here…She's very capable you know;" he said, turning to Severus again. "I remember one time, a few years back, a young man had ingested a rather nasty potion, turned his hair and skin a shocking shade of shamrock green. He'd have been left in that unfortunate state if not for her skills. Though, I feel if he had forgone treatment, he would have had a rather promising career as a mascot with the Irish National Quidditch team…alas."

"Sir?" said Severus in exasperation. He wanted to talk to Lily, touch Lily, not be reprimanded by Pomfrey or listen to some tale being prattled out by the Headmaster.

"No matter dear boy. I must go fetch the girl's parents now."

Pomfrey and the staff buzzed about Lily's bed, administering the various draughts, cleaning up the shattered mess of bottles, and generally impeding Severus' attempts to be near her. Dumbledore returned with her parents who cried and laughed and held their daughter. Mrs. Evans even planted a tender kiss on Severus' cheek and hugged him like a son for saving her child. He stood there in a daze, watching the whole event unfold like some bizarre dream, wondering if he'd ever get to be alone with Lily again.

Eventually though, the crowd did thin. Lily's parents returned home, Dumbledore retired to his office and Pomfrey and the staff went about tending the other patients in the ward.

"Mind yourself now, Mister Snape;" said Pomfrey with slight admonition as she retreated.

Lily looked at Severus and curved her lips into a faint and weary smile. "Hey…"

"Hey…" he said back to her, walking with deliberately slow and measured steps. "How are you?"

"You kissed me?"

Severus felt the color drain from his already pale face. He looked down at his feet and rubbed his left arm with his right hand nervously. He tried to speak, but every time he opened his mouth, he couldn't find the words he wanted to say.

"I dreamed about you…Sev. I dreamed about you a lot. I saw you doing things… things I can't remember now, but you were so filled with anger and sadness. It scared me to see you that way. You seemed…so lost, like…like you'd lost your best friend or something." She swallowed hard, pushing away the dizzying memories of her fevered sleep.

"Well, for a while there, I was afraid I had. Lily, I…I'm sorry…about the dreams…" He sat down on the bed and reached for her hand, running his fingers along the tiny scars the attack had left. "…but, they were only dreams." He looked at her pleadingly.

"Oh Sev, it was all so horrible! I was so upset; and then, the attack, I was terrified! I thought I was going to die, and then, the dreams, the dreams; they wouldn't leave me alone. It was all because of that letter…and Potter and…oh Sev, that letter! I didn't kiss Potter! He…he f-f-forced himself on…on…" She pulled herself up and curled into his chest, clutching at him while she sobbed, letting him wrap his arms around her and whisper words of comfort in her ears.

"Lily, shhh, it's alright now. It's alright. I…I know about the letter, about Potter, about all of it…" He smoothed her hair with his hand and kissed the top of her head without thinking.

Lily withdrew herself from his robes, now damp with her tears. "You did kiss me. I remember it. I was standing in a room and there was a baby in my arms, he had black hair and green eyes and I was afraid. I remember seeing a white face and dark robes…and then I heard your voice, as if from another world. 'Lily, forgive me,' you said, and then I felt your lips on mine…and I wasn't so afraid anymore."

Severus' heart thumped so strongly he was sure she could hear it. She'd felt his kiss and it had comforted her. The foolishness he had felt at that act was now but a distant memory. Still, her dream, what did it mean? "I don't understand…was I the white face? Lily…a baby? Black hair, green eyes…was it…"

"I don't know. He might have been…might have been…ours;" she said quietly, answering his unfinished question. I don't know what it means either; all I know is when I heard you, when I felt you…Severus…"

His mind was swimming. _Our baby…Lily's and mine…Lily and me, oh Merlin, to have it be more than a dream!_ He remembered the delicate softness of her lips and the bitter taste of the potions and before he could stop himself, he bowed his head and put his lips to hers.

* * *

"What…do…you…mean…Remus?" came the stilted, angry words. "Why would the map have helped Snape find Lily? Why would the map, our map, OUR map, be helping Snivellus do ANYTHING?"

"Unfailing faithfulness," squeaked Peter as they rounded their way to the Gryffindor portrait hole. The painting creaked open and the four boys stepped through. A few people were sitting in the chairs and on the couches, playing games or reading books, not minding the entrance of their fellows.

"Spit it out Rem!" James said, sending furious drops of spittle onto Lupin's face.

The others in the room turned at the sound of James' shouting.

"Keep it down mate!" said Sirius, noticing the now interested eyes peeking at them.

Lupin stared at the face before him; he could see James' rage was barely contained behind the constraints of his clenched teeth and ruddy skin. His mind somersaulted over itself for solutions, for something to say that wouldn't end in pain and yelling and broken friendships. He'd gone too far giving Snape the map…never mind the fact that without it Lily'd be in a box in the ground. James would never see that side of it, not with Snape involved…_Snape_. _Either way you go, you're a traitor, _he thought. James, Sirius, and Peter, they were all he had to cling to during those times in the shack…the only thing holding him in the spider-thread bounds of sanity. It…it was too much to lose them…_I…I'm so sorry Snape, so sorry!_

"Snape! It…it was Snape! He…he took the map! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I…was too weak…" he said in a hissing whisper.

"He stole the map from you? Blimey Mooney! Why didn't you say something about it when I asked you? You just called me a slob! Why'd you say Sirius probably had it? What's going on mate?" James' face ran the gamut from fury and shock to irritation and confusion...which is where it decided to settle.

"I…I was afraid, he might…you know…retaliate! So I lied…I didn't want you to know it was him for what he might do!" _Remus, you coward…you bloody awful coward! Snape will get it ten times worse than you…_

"Ah Mooney! You should have said! You know we'd have kept that slimy git from you…and hexed the bollocks off the wanker too!"

"That's right we would!" came another familiar voice, abandoning all pretenses of remaining quiet. "I…I can't believe I defended him! Even just a little! He'll pay for it, no doubt he'll pay for it!"

James and Lupin both turned to face Sirius. He was standing there, seething, his jaw clenched, and his hands balled into tight fists, unadulterated hatred glazing every feature of his face.

"Wh-wha-what are you going to do Padfoot?" Peter asked, discomfort swimming in his beady, rat-like eyes.

"I'm going to show him why picking on Rem is a very bad idea…"

* * *

_**AN:** I'm changing up what I'm doing with this story...I feel it could get too convoluted and too with my original intention...which I'd rather save for something that isn't basically stream of consciousness! Anyway, I hope I can do justice with the rest of it...and alas, angst is staying. Thanks to everyone who reads! A really big thanks to everyone who reads AND reviews! _


	8. The Halcyon Days of Youth

Severus had always wondered what it would feel like to slip the bonds of gravity without a clumsy broom beneath him. The fact that it felt like a pair of soft lips upon his own amused him to no end. Slender fingers were walking through his hair, teasing lightly along his scalp, and curling into that cascade the colour of kohl. For once in his life, he didn't feel inadequate. He didn't feel ugly or awkward. His nose wasn't too large and his skin wasn't too pale. He wasn't James Potter's whipping boy or Sirius Black's target. He was Severus Snape and he was kissing Lily Evans, and everything was right with the world.

"Sev..."

"mmm..."

"Sev, what if...mmm..." She was trying to form coherent thoughts but his lips were so warm. She'd felt so cold while she slept, always cold. His hands are warm too, she thought, as they cupped her face, his thumbs stroking the hollows of her cheeks. "...What if Pomfrey comes back?" she said, forcing her lips to quit his for a brief moment.

_What's a Pomfrey?_ he thought momentarily. Whatever it was, it wasn't important he decided as he took her mouth again, nibbling on her bottom lip, relishing the fact that this, this was his...this kiss was happening and nothing could change that. He felt that he would forever covet himself in this moment, always long for his own experience greedily...and Merlin, she tasted so good. The lingering bitterness of the potions was gone. She didn't taste like cherries, or chocolate, or any of those other things people always claim, she tasted like flesh and warmth and Lily, and nothing could ever be better than that.

"Mr. Snape, if you're not careful to quit that this instant, I might find myself catching you any moment."

_Ah yes, that's a Pomfrey._ Severus withdrew his mouth from Lily, though her hands lingered in his hair for a moment longer. "Yes, Madam Pomfrey, I'm sorry...I..."

"Yes, well, it seems everything is in order here. Mr. Snape, I believe it would be best if you returned to your dormitory for the evening. Miss Evans' convalescence will continue much faster with less...exertion on her part."

"Yes Ma'am," he said with a nod of his head, feeling the flush rise in his cheeks and a gratefulness bloom in his heart. _I swear if there is ever anything I can do for this woman, all she has to do is ask._ She swept away and he turned to Lily, who was also reddened by the blush in her cheeks.

"I'll be back before breakfast tomorrow." He took her hand and kissed her folded fingers lightly. He walked from the infirmary, still marveling at the fact that gravity was such a feeble thing.

* * *

"Oi Sev. I hear your little mudblood girl's pulled through. Maybe those demons cleared up some of that dirty blood for her."

"Don't talk about her like that Mulciber! EVER." It figures, as soon as he walks back into his shared room, gravity comes back with all its binding fury...but what could one expect being buried in the dungeons?

"Look...Snape, I know you care for this...Lizzy person, but you need to face facts. The Dark Lord is coming to power. You do realize that right?"

"Lily. I don't want to talk about The Dark Lord Mulciber."

"Maybe you should want to Snape. The evidence is all around you...we grow stronger every day. Think about it. He wants to meet you, you, a halfblood! Do you realize what an honor that is?" The contempt in his voice was guarded, but evident. To think that He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named would garner for the attentions of a muggle sired half-breed made the bile rise in his belly. It's not that he found Snape particularly offensive, hardly. He was Slytherin through and through, his skills with magic, dark and light were honestly, quite a bit more than admirable; it was just the principle of the matter. "Perhaps if you found yourself among his ranks, in his inner circle, he'd allow you to keep her."

"'Keep her?' She's not a pet Mulciber!"

"Better a halfblood's pet than an undertaker's burden, Snape. Mull it over. Look...Lucius has asked me to bring you to the next meeting. I know you admire him...and for all he did for you while he was here at Hogwarts; you owe him that much."

"I'll think about it alright? For now will you please just piss off?"

"No worries mate, I was on my way out anyway. Avery and I've got detention tonight thanks to that old cow McGonagall."

* * *

The days continued to pass and Lily's recovery was proceeding swiftly. Severus still spent all of his free time in the infirmary, sneaking a kiss with Lily now and then. Granted, Pomfrey had shown him unspeakable grace once, but he didn't really care to tempt fate by being too bold. Word had gotten around that Lily was pulling through and a few visitors were being allowed in after meal times.

James made his way to the infirmary, more than a bit put off that Madam Pomfrey had failed to inform him when Lily awoke. He rounded through the ward until he saw that flash of red hair...he failed to notice the column of black right next to it...well, for a moment.

"Alright Eva...SNAPE! What are you doing here you snivelling bast..."

"Potter!? Why are YOU here?" said Lily before he could finish his insult towards Severus.

"I'm here to see you of course, I've been sick with worry!"

"Yes, I'm sure it's been torture," she said in a tone so dry and flat and full of loathing that Severus couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually spoken the words.

"You're the reason I'm even in this blasted condition!"

"Me? What? How on earth is this my fault? Snivellus is the one..."

"…that saved me. Yes, he is. I was so upset about that stunt you pulled, you know, the one where you practically molested me and broke the heart of the man I love. Sound familiar? I ended up roaming the around grounds so distraught that I wasn't paying attention to where I was. It's hard to see with that many tears in your eyes you know! Before I knew it, I was in that stupid, forbidden forest...and then...well you can figure out the rest!" she said, yelling, holding up her bandage wrapped arms.

Lily and James continued to spar but Severus' mind had snagged on one particular proclamation. _'…the man I love…' Dear Merlin…love? She loves me. What world have I fallen into? This…this can't be my life…she loves me, me, Severus Bloody Snape! _He was suddenly ripped from his revelry however when he felt strong hands gripping his robe and slick spittle landing on his face.

"I know about the map too you prick. Remus told us all about it! You'll give it back if you don't want to end up in here yourself!"

_Ah, so Lupin had been up to something…figures. _"Who's to say I have it anymore Potter? Maybe…maybe I lost it. Tsk, tsk, it seemed to be…such a useful little piece of parchment," he said with cold indifference.

"Well, if I were you, I'd set myself to finding it…" He released Severus' robes and slammed the flowers he'd brought for Lily roughly into Severus' chest, causing him to let out a gasp of air.

As he stalked away, Severus tossed the flowers into the rubbish bin by the bed. Though he was still breathing heavily and his chest hurt a bit from the thump, he couldn't force himself to think of James' anger, the map, or Lupin's betrayal.

"You love me?"

"What?"

"When you were yelling…you said…you said you love me. Did you mean it?"

"I…" Lily's mind raced. Had she said that? She was so angry, she was trying to come up with anything that would hurt that arrogant toe rag…she's said she loved Severus? _Do I love him?_ She looked at him, standing before her with an intensity in his eyes she'd never seen before; through all their years together, this growing thing between them…the spark she knew was there suddenly took flame.

"YES! I love you!"

Severus bent to her bedside and crushed his lips to hers, embracing boldness as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her to him… Fate and all its temptations be damned.

* * *

_**AN:** I'm going to try to end this with some modicum of sufficiency fairly soon...I feel I'm losing my ground in it. I don't know. I wish I'd taken more time to plot it...as I can actually write a cogent story when I try! :(_


	9. Malfoy Comes to Call

**Malfoy Comes to Call**

The days passed quickly after Lily was released from the infirmary. She resumed her classes and with Severus' help, was quickly brought up to speed. Life seemed to fall back into its regular routine, except for the fact that she and Severus..._she and Severus_...how she loved that...that they were together, officially. Lily's friends had been hesitant to accept the fact that she was dating the Slytherin, but well...Lily did what Lily wanted they said. The other Slytherins didn't really bother to have an opinion, assuming there must be some strategic benefit to their coupling. Except of course, for the purebloods, who found no possible profit in 'one of our's' if only by half a measure, stooping to 'play in the dirt.' In any case, neither really cared what anyone else had to say.

Lily, in an effort to keep the peace had taken the map back to James, under the threat that if he did anything to Severus, he'd find himself minus his favourite appendage. Severus had been reluctant to relinquish the map, and outright against Lily having any interaction with 'the swine,' but she convinced him it might help quell the animosity of Black and Potter and less time messing with them meant more time with her. As it happened, the bloody thing ended up in Filch's hands three weeks later anyway.

* * *

March had rolled around and spring was blooming around the grounds in a flourish of green grass, soft flowers, and lush, tender leaves. Severus stared up at the arcing branches of the tree as the sun cast dappled patterns on his body and the grass beneath him.

"You're too far away."

"What's that?" he said, turning his head to the voice beside him.

"You're too far away from me, come closer."

Severus moved over towards Lily and slipped his arm under her head. She turned to him and kissed him gently, running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you Sev..." she said in a breath between kisses.

"I love you too Lily."

He brought his lips to hers again, parting them with a gentle sweep of his tongue, tasting the heat of her flesh, the sweetness of her mouth that spoke of no other flavour but her own. He loved these stolen moments. He knew they were being fairly flagrant in their display, out in the openness of the grounds, but they'd been spared the wrath of the staff for the most part. Pomfrey's grace had eventually run out with him in the hospital ward, but Lily'd been released a few days hence. Now, it was all a matter of covert audacity and he felt it was something he might be quite suited for actually.

The sun seemed to eclipse as he lay there with his mouth nibbling at Lily's, his eyes closed, his hand pressed firmly to her hip, drawing her closer. Or maybe it had just passed into night and they'd spent the entire day under the tree, time with her always seemed like minutes and hours and too short and endless all at once.

*_Ahem_* came the throaty sound of a familiar voice.

Severus cast any eye upwards and saw why the sun seemed to disappear. Lily gasped as she took in the form of the tall, black robed figure, snake headed cane in hand, long blonde hair cascading down the shoulders as the pale, well angled face looked down with an air of reserved disdain.

"Lucius!" Snape said, scrambling to his feet, brushing the grass from his robes and his hair. He rushed to offer his hand to the blonde man who took it in his own, though with little enthusiasm.

"I see I've caught you during, ah, _extra curricular_ activities, Severus," he said, eyeing Lily who stood blushing behind Severus, keeping her distance from the former Slytherin prefect. He leaned in close and whispered "Mulciber tells me you've agreed to attend the next meeting. We've had to keep ourselves quiet for the last couple of months, but this Saturday, we are gathering; you will be expected."

Snape thought back to his conversation with Mulciber after Lily's awakening. It seemed ages ago now.

"I said I'd think about it, I never actually agreed to anything, that was Mulciber's acquiescence, not mine. …Look, Lucius, is what I hear true? Are the muggleborns truly at risk in some way?"

Lucius sniffed heavily, the sound of it was thick with haughty condescension.

"_They_ might consider it 'risk.' _We_ would consider it...'establishing a proper order.' Severus, listen, I'm a diplomatic man; you know this. How many times did my quick tongue and agile thinking benefit you while we were both students? The Dark Lord has seen the value of my talents. He appreciates my opinion _and_ the opinions of those I appreciate...and he knows I appreciate you. You're a skilled Wizard Severus. You've not let your handicapped blood impede you. There are surely others of..." he glanced at Lily who shrank back further at his appraisal, "unfortunate birth that would be granted certain liberties due to their connections or abilities as well. It would be a shame if those connections were never made, don't you agree? Think of it like this Severus, the dispensation of grace is like a river; it trickles down from the purity of its source. It would be best to find yourself swimming in the stream than standing in the mud of its banks as it turned to parch. Surely you see the wisdom in that my friend? I would hate to have to carry your regrets to the Dark Lord, he would be…ever so displeased to have to look at you and your…_acquaintances_ with ill regard."

"...What, what time do I need to be there Lucius?"

"There's a good lad," he said, slipping an arm around Severus' shoulders. "We'll be getting started around seven. Arrive with Mulciber and Avery."

"Alright."

"Excellent! I shall see you then Severus."

Lucius clapped his hand against the one holding the cane and smiled at Severus. Something about it turned Severus' stomach...though Malfoy's lips were upturned and pleased, his eyes were as cold and ruthless as ever.

"Miss Evans, a pleasure to see you, as always," he said, affecting a deep bow that spoke more of sarcasm than respect, as did the smirk he cast at her as he turned.

"See you Saturday Severus. I must be off, I'm to meet Cissy and her parents for tea."

He strode away; cane steadily thumping in time to his footfalls, black cloak swishing as he walked. Severus stood watching as he vanished at the far side of the gates. He could feel her eyes washing over him with a hundred questions; she didn't need to say a word.

* * *

"Alright Mooney?"

Sirius glanced at his friend as he sat huddled over his transfiguration textbook. He looked thin, weak, pained. The skin of his hands was stretched thin and taught like the membrane on a drum. His eyes had a hollow, cavernous look, and a few angry scars were jutting from his cheeks, scars that had not been visible a few short months ago. Remus leaned back against the pillows of his bed and rested the book on his chest. He let out a weary sigh and ran a weathered hand along his jaw.

"Eh, not too good Sirius. The past couple of months have taken a bit of a toll on me I'm afraid. The transformation has been…much more violent than it's been in ages. Honestly, I don't even want you all to risk coming with me to the shack this month."

"Rem, come on, you'd never hurt us, we're your best mates."

"I know that _now _Sirius, but I don't know it…_then_. Even in your animagus forms I'm afraid…if…well, if I lost control, if the monster took over even more so than it already has. I…I'd never forgive myself Padfoot. Please?"

"Alright mate, if it's what you want, but go see old Dumbles, maybe he can do something for you, ease the pain you know."

"Right, of course, later though; I've got Professor McGonagall's essay due in the morning. So do you come to think of it."

"Yeah, so I do, so I do," Sirius said as he looked around himself for his textbook. He cracked it open to the dogeared page and began to read. He swept the lines of instruction and paused, looking up at his friend once more, his eyebrow raising as he appraised the werewolf. "When is the full moon this month Rem?"

"Oh, it's ah, next Wednesday. All too soon I'm afraid."

"Wednesday…" Sirius said, in quiet repetition as he turned his attention back to the book.

* * *

"What was Lucius going on about Severus? I couldn't make it all out; are you going somewhere with Mulicber and Avery? You know I don't like them, we've already had _that _discussion."

"It's an…an obligation Lily. I don't really have a choice in the matter," he said, his voice flat and tinged with an air of defeat.

"We always have choices Severus. Always."

"No Lily…" he said as he stepped to her and ran his fingers through the red waves of her hair, "…not always."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry it's taking me a while to update...just trying to plot out an end.


End file.
